“I wonder how my little brother is?” I thought to myself while my gloomy hazel eye’s gazed out at the warm, vivid, April Riverside sunrise.
I wish I would have known who my family truly was. My entire life snowballed into a huge web of lies. The secrets I’ve learned have haunted my soul for quite some time. Not only did I learn about my mother’s true self, I learned to accept the harsh reality of hushed secrets.
The hushed secrets will eventually devastate my little brother. And I pray to the Universe above, he survives the traumatizing aftermath.
I never meant to crush his entire world to the ground with my harsh words about his father. Sadly, I am the one to blame for destroying my little brother’s life. But ultimately I made a promise to myself that at any cost I would always protect him. And the only way, in my crazed brain, was to tell the whole entire world my truth.
My truth, is our father, my adoptive father, decided to not only videotape his daughter nude, but he also decided it would be a grand idea to place my naked self on the desktop of the computer I used daily. In hopes that he would get love in return. Pretty messed up, right?
But no matter how I chose to tell my brother my truth, his thoughts and beliefs would ultimately end in the same outcome. I chose the path less followed, writing to the entire world, while others might have confronted their loved ones in person.
I have my reasons, call me a coward if you must. I, however, don’t regret for one second how I chose to overcome Tim silencing my every breath.
(Click the link for the triggering blog post) Blog Post
I can imagine him now. My little brother would be sitting across from me, in his khaki shorts, bright pink polo, with his very fair pale skin, flushed and ready to burst with anger. There would have been zero sympathies. He would have done his famous condescending smile, laugh, and look me dead in my weak eyes, and state “Brit why do you always lie?”
Growing up, I envied the relationship he had with Tim and my mother. My little brother was naturally brilliant. He did marvelous all throughout school while I struggled to even make a C, even with my best efforts. My parents were overly joyed with my little brother’s academic success while I was ridiculed. Even though I was up late hours studying. Somehow they never seemed to notice.
My parents only noticed me when my behavior was out of sorts. I was so overly desperate for my mother and father’s attention, and I would stoop to any level to receive their fake love.
Including being hateful towards my little brother.
I ruined that relationship long before Tim, my adoptive father, did the unspeakable act. Countless times. Countless videos.
And I find myself curious about my little brother’s well being, sometimes multiple times in a day. And on this bright morning in April, my mind was wandering all over the horizon.
I often worry about the pain I put upon him. And in hopes when the truth finally rises for him, he has the support he deserves.
Unfortunately, just like in any other uncertain situation, I am the person to blame for the sorrows of the ones’ he loves because I am the one that exposed their hushed secrets. I could never blame him for protecting our manipulative parents, I just hope they don’t destroy his whole existence.
And allow him to fly high and live on in happiness.