Feel that Damn Pain

“Hey, Brit! How are you?” It is the utmost dreadful phrase for my small, anxious ears to hear.

“How are you?” It is a complex question for me to gather in my head for the split two seconds I have to respond. Too most I just shrug, smile, and say, “I am doing quite well. How are you?” With my nervous laugh in between.

But there are a handful of humans in this universe that truly know how my body aches during this holly, jolly time of year. It’s quite silly really, my body aches for a family that I never even had. But you know what? That is fucking okay. It’s okay to hurt. To cry. And to express all the hurt life has offered you. But through the hurt remain humble yet courageous.

Honestly, I believe we put to much pressure on our poor, overworked bodies and forget the true meaning of the Holidays. We are manipulated by society that we need items to be happy. Gifts are no longer homemade cookies just the latest, hottest gadget to wads of money we throw at each other’s faces. But the act of love is sometimes forgotten through all the Holiday madness.

And the act of love doesn’t need to be in the love of people. Just the love of something. Maybe there is a hobby that brings joy to your anxious face? Or there is a certain place that brings your heart joy? Or a memory, where for that split second, brings a smile to your tired dimples. Or like me maybe this is the year you love yourself.

This is my year to shine and feel bright. The last three years have been full of pity and dark shadows, but this year, even with my aching heart, I find myself feeling joy. Joy in myself. And let me tell you this feeling is quite wonderful. And if this feeling hasn’t quite made it to your exhausted, overwhelmed body I promise you one day it will. And I wish I could tell you when, but we are all uniquely beautiful. And everyone’s concept of time is just a little bit different. But I promise you sweetheart, your day to shine will come. And I hear you. I see you. I support you.