The Joyous Butterflies

I walked out of that brown, traumatic, building with my head held high. I looked around and the blue sky seemed brighter, and the air filled my lungs with infinite joy.

But the most excellent feeling of all was my gut was gushing with butterflies. The butterflies were scurrying around my tummy which felt like a million miles a minute. I, however, didn’t feel uneasy, scared, or tortured. I felt like my whole body was lifted into the air.

Everything around me felt so much lighter and free. I guess you could say my body physically and mentally was finally at peace. That would be the last time I would have to look into those dark, pedophile eyes that tortured me for my entire life up to this point. All twenty-eight years of it.

I finally gained the power I so desperately wanted since I was a young freckled face girl trying to find my voice.

I promised my childhood self that I would stand tall for her and let our truth be heard about this horrific man called our Father.

So that April morning I walked into that courtroom screaming my truth to the man that crumbled our world.

And no my father didn’t receive the punishment he deserved. Quite frankly America’s Justice System gave a child molester, creepy middle-aged man a second chance to ruin another soul.

But I wasn’t going to allow pen and paper to defeat this moment.

Even Her, my inner voice, surprisingly for once remained silent and allowed me to cherish this true moment of complete happiness. I guess both of us felt totally satisfied with the choices I made, just this once.

Smiling from ear to ear, I kept walking towards my Nissan, embracing this experience. I finally approached my car, plopped my ass in the driver seat, and opened one of my many notebooks scattered throughout my car and wrote:

“Don’t you dare for one second forget this moment of complete bliss. Remember the thoughts of love and compassion for YOURSELF traveling through your hopeful brain. Remember how you feel worthy of love at this moment. And most importantly remember that every obstacle faced in your life, you’ve overcome. Every single damn one of them. This moment right here is the biggest blessing of all, facing your abuser and sharing your truth. Your truth sets your soul free. This joyous nature around you is you being unapologetically yourself. And don’t you dare forget that.”

And since that day my left-handed self wrote this down on my pink notebook, I use this writing as a reminder to myself that I can overcome any obstacle my way.

Telling my truth was the only way I could set my soul completely free, and to begin the healing process I so desperately wanted.