As I watched the riots on my Sony T.V. screen; my understanding, hazel eyes began swelling up with tears.
No, I have no idea what any of them are going through. And not for one second will I even act like I do.
But one thing for certain is I truly understand the anger they all feel towards the police. And doing whatever it takes to be heard. To stand up and to have a voice. To me, I understand the desperate want to be seen.
The police has failed me more times than I can count. I put my trust in the men and women in those bright, blue uniforms.
All I wanted was to be noticed. All I wanted since I was a tiny, little girl was for our protectors to take me away from my abuser.
To take me away from the man that chose to put his hands on me. Physically without my permission.
And yes I know they’re good policemen and women, but this is a time for the unwanted to be noticed.
And for me, just a few years back, I was just as angry with our men and women in the bright, blue uniforms. More so the government that is known to “protect” the innocent.
I followed all the rules they put in front of me. I silenced my voice against my abuser, in hopes that maybe just maybe, they would do their job I so desperately wanted. I answered all their police questions. While all of the white males tried to confuse me and trick me into lying. Because how dare I try to ruin a white males life. Especially my father.
I had proof of what my father did to me. I had concrete fucking evidence. CONCRETE evidence. That the police took from my father’s house during his search warrant.
I had hopes that my abuser would finally get what he deserved.
If the police would of took the short, short time to go through my father’s laptop, I know for certain they would have found unwanted material dealing with children.
However because I was of age, his privileged ass gets to continue his child pornography fetish.
Fuck if my father was a different color, his outcome would have been different. And that’s just beyond heartbreaking.
My father, my abuser, who decided it would be in my best interest to videotape me nude without my consent only got 12 months probation, a fine, and a restraining order which is now diminished.
My father now has the right to come near me if he pleases. Only a year of safety for me my dear, dear government?
So hence I understand the anger. Where is the protection for those that deserve it? It’s quite funny to me that white males get the most protection. And their cases always go unnoticed.
I wanted to burn down police buildings. I wanted to punch all of the officers and detectives that failed me. That chose to feed me with lies to keep me hushed.
I was just a nuisance to them. And I felt beyond unwanted.
And because of my father’s skin and the privilege he carries, he was able to walk out of our hearing that April day last year with the confidence that he can of course strike again.
The slap on the wrist only reminds him that once again he can conquer any obstacle, because quite frankly, the government will always side with him.
Because let’s be real, who’s really going to care enough to stop him?
So once again I understand the anger. I understand the frustration. And I understand the voice of wanting to be heard.
So stop judging how everyone is choosing to handle the riots. And help be the solution, so all of us have a chance to maybe get the Justice we all deserve.