Just Thank You, Mom

I really truly miss you today, Mom. My heart aches for you actually. And sadly, I don’t think that feeling will ever disappear.

Whereas you, I truly believe you are happy to live in your denial. To you, I mean little, in your corrupted universe.

And on days like these where for a split moment I want to just call you, my heart becomes rather conflicted on how you could leave me while my hazel eyes fill with sorrow.

How could you abandon your own? And stand by the monster that you chose as my father? I guess love can conquer all, even when it shouldn’t.

I wonder this very moment what you say to others? Do you live on in your fairytale land and act as if I exist in your life? Or did you kill me off completely?

Because to me, I feel as if you killed me off.

And to be quite honest, even on days like these, I am joyous that you chose that man you call my father.

Because you taught me how not to act.

You taught me how I need to respect myself before others follow. My reflection of myself is how others view me as well. My whole world turned upside down when I realized I was valuable to my messed up universe.

And that was only taught because you chose him.

Thank you for teaching me how a man should not treat me. Because I was rather close to following in your footsteps. But since you chose that man, you once again call my father, I realized how women should be truly treated.

So in a messed up way, thank you once again for choosing him.

And most importantly, you taught me mother, how one can be so much stronger than they could ever realize. And weak is not an option, in my hazel eyes, because I refuse to be in a circumstance like you mom.

I truly didn’t believe I would survive, and some days are still harder than others, but I am still here. Still here fighting. Because I want my life to mean so much more.

I was once a monster. A monster of hurt and confusion. But due to circumstances, the last lessons you taught me in life were the very most valuable.

And for that, I thank you for abandoning me, mom.