I’ve been quiet for quite some time. The truth is I’ve been struggling. All I can say to you in healing is just fucking hard in certain moments. So fucking hard. Like, drop to your knees wanting the world to end, kind of hard.
But the truth, the harsh truth is I was putting this so-called pain on myself. No one else is battling with me, just my own thoughts sadly.
Guilt has slowly made their way back into my daily thoughts. I just hate realizing that no matter how much I fight against my father, my abuser, I will never receive the outcome I so desperately want from our oh so lovely Justice System.
Honestly, our Justice System has failed me more than my own abuser. It’s quite devastating in all reality. Those that are hired to protect victims like me, are getting paid to turn their heads the other way. And quite annoyed if I dare call to ask them any questions. Because let’s be real, I probably just lied about my father taking naked videos of me right?
He probably just didn’t give me the money I so desperately craved, right? Because it’s been told that victims, or survivors, mostly just lie. All we want is attention. Right?
I guess here in America we don’t respect a woman’s body. Well I mean if you are under the age of 16, you at least have a fighting chance. But sadly a woman of my age, 30 in just a few months, doesn’t stand a chance against men who love to manipulate and abuse with the Justice System involved anyways.
Oh and trust me, I had the evidence.
The police put on quite an act by arresting my father. And searching his and my mother’s house. They took all his electronics that had the videos on the hard drive of the computer. And fuck man they even took a picture of the shoes he was wearing in one of the videos. This is where he decided videotaping me in daylight was such a great idea.
Who knew I couldn’t take a shower in my parent’s house? I thought my parents were the ones that are to protect me.
But that story is for another day.
Today, today is to discuss how our Justice System does little to protect women, like me.
I received a letter. A letter to let me know that Tim, my father, is allowed to fight to get these charges expunged.
And reality check it’s 99.9% going to happen, because welp, he was able to just pled no contest. My father was quite smart, he waited until I was of age to leave his paper trail.
And Yup, you heard right. Tim in a short few months will walk away a free man. A free man. Because what he did to me, just wasn’t that bad right?
No protection. No warning for others.
He has been protected since day one. While I lost many. And been scolded for lying. Even when I told the truth.
But fuck, I forgot, I am bipolar, so of course I am lying.
But again that’s a story for a different day.
Today, today is to remind those that are survivors, or better yet, warriors, that you are not alone in this battle.
I know the frustration. The guilt. And the harsh reality, wake up call.
But just remember your voice can never be taken. Your voice is what helps others understand. Your voice helps warn others from those that hurt you.
Your voice has the power to outsmart our Justice System. Yes, Tim once again, is going to walk away with just another damn slap.
And yes, I sadly know that he will strike again. And fuck those that think I am dramatic. You didn’t live with him. He is quite the actor. Some fucked up advise, is to trust no one completely. Because you never know who someone is 100%.
But that is a story for a different day.
Today, today is just to remind us warriors that we do matter. The Justice System may not believe so, but I promise you, I truly promise you, that this universe is just that much better with you in it.
Fighting with your voice.